argh!

So, my neighbor is oh so wonderful and plays World of Warcraft on his computer day and night. I could care less about what my neighbor does in his free time (which apparently is any time of day). However, what I care about deeply is my sleep. And my sleep gets interrupted and delayed because of sounds of grenades and tanks and guns. Ah, yes, the exact sounds I want to hear when I fall asleep.

Being the nice person that I am, I go and knock on his door, thinking I'm going to nicely tell him to keep it down after a certain time at night, you know, like around 10pm - you know, cause I have to be at work at 6am. As I'm standing in the cold night, shivering my ass off in my pajamas, he answers the door, with not a hello, but "If you have a problem, just call the *bleeping* cops" and proceeds to shut it on me.

Now, I'm afraid that I will have to deal with the noise even louder, just to spite me. And he's kind of shocked me into anger, which I don't like feeling.

Alas, this is why I'm looking into buying a house (if I can come down with the down payment). No pesky neighbors playing computer games because they don't have a life.

Forgive me, I just had to vent.

Inspiration

To be truthful, I have been neglectful of nearly every aspect of my life in the last month or so besides work.  Life as a second year is tough and when I get home, I'm lucky if I don't collapse on my sofa and watch tv for the rest of the night.  I haven't been cooking.  I haven't been swimming.  My apartment was such a mess that I was stressed out when I thought about it.  I hadn't done laundry in a month.  My mail was stacking up.  My "garden" is a mess and in desperate need of repotting (but the lemons are doing wonderfully). 

So, tonight, to get myself out, my friend T and I went to see Julie and Julia.  It was a good movie, kind of light entertainment and upbeat.  What I didn't expect, and maybe should have, was to be inspired.  I was inspired to branch out in my life.  To keep on pursuing those outside interests that keep me, well, me. 

I know that it seems silly, especially to those who haven't gone through residency, but it is hard to maintain a sense of self when you spend 80 hours a week serving others and bending to the will of others. 

My new resolutions: to work out more (which would mean working out at all), to cook more (no more CSA = no more veggies to force me to cook), to get back to exploring the south bay, and last, but not least, to go back to updating the blog. 

Also, to learn how to poach an egg. 

Spring Summer Fall Winter

I forget how much I love summer.  It's almost 8pm and the sun is still out, the weather is beautiful, and my lemons are growing.  What else could a girl ask for?

Talking about time, it's funny that I suddenly have so much of it on my hands.  I'm on an "easy" rotation right now (really, what's easy in intern year?) and I have so much time, I don't know what to do with it.  Right now, I'm working on a presentation (obviously not working too hard), but I haven't done much of anything this month - and it's almost over!

Here was my to do list:

• Make jewelry (which I did some of - I made a few necklaces and earrings, some of which were worn to a friend's recent wedding)
• Deal with my finances (which I did halfway. I successfully deferred my loans yet another time, but haven't figured out whether I can pull together enough money to buy a house)
• Plan my trip to Morocco (now, on this, I have been slacking.  You'd think that this would be easy - I mean, it's vacation!)
• Read academic stuff (lots of studies, studies, and more studies.  Oh yeah, and textbooks. Don't get my started on those.  Oh, wait, I haven't started on those.)
• Deal with my garden (I'm nurturing it, but it needs to be cleaned up - argh.)
  
• Begin biking to work again (I pumped my tires.  That's a start, right?)
• Read for fun (I'm still working on a book I started 3 months ago - of short stories.)
• Update my blog (Ironically, I think I updated more when I had less time.  Maybe it's because my life is so dull without anything to do?)

Yeah, I'm not so successful in getting things off my to do list.  I still have one more week...to waste.

Many uses for mint

Here is what I did last night, in hopes of getting rid of the ants:



Turns out that it works! When I went to work today, there were a handful of ants, trying to make their way through my mint maze, but now, there are none! None!

I don't know if it was my traps or the mint and salt concoction (literally a handful of freshly picked mint leaves, a handful of salt, ground together into a paste) spread over my entire countertop and cupboards.

Yes, it's a mess to clean up, but it may be worth it for a simple, easy, nontoxic ant deterrent! I'm kind of tempted to keep it up for one more day so that it's there for good measure.

And I'm too lazy to clean it up tonight.

Ants, again!

After spread mint all over my cabinets (what a way to first use my mint from my garden - ground up into a paste and plastered over my cabinets, like I'm protecting my hosue from the plague) last night - pictures to come - the ants are back this morning. 

 

Is it bad that I couldn't bother to get rid of them this morning?  So, they're probably having a field day. 

 

Hormigas!

Ah, ants!!!  I got home today to a trail of ants. Took my half an hour to clean it up.  Now, as I'm going to bed, I go into my kitchen, and, gasp! another trail of ants - in the same exact place.  How to get rid of them?  I'm going to the hardware store tomorrow and buying all the anti-ants stuff I can. 

4am

And why am I still up?

Must be a realization that I don't have to go to bed early tonight!  (And that I'm working a night shift tomorrow...)

At least I was productive - I cleaned my apartment in preparation for a gold ole fashioned sleepover I'm having on Saturday night.  All that's left to do is vacuum - I figured it wouldn't be very neighborly of myself to do it at 3am.

Eating at home, and on the cheap

With our not-so-robust economy and record high unemployment rates, there has been a lot of commentary on how to live on a limited budget.  Speaking from experience (this year being the first year I have ever made enough money to even file for taxes), it is possible (but of course not ideal).

While in college, I lived on $800 a month, to pay my rent (which was more than half that) and everything else except my tuition (thanks Mom and Dad!).  In medical school, I lived on around $13,000 a year (thanks, U.S. Government!) to pay for my rent (which, again, was more than half my monthly "income') and everything else. Even though my budget was limited (and admittedly, not as low as many other students), I managed to live in a major metropolitan area, go shopping on a (more than) regular basis, go out a few times a month, and eat good food. 

The way I was able to do the latter was because I cooked my own meals and shopped either at Berkeley Bowl (in college) or Asian markets (in medical school) - both of which provided fresh produce at great prices.  Because I saved money on eating out less, I was able to splurge a little on what I bought at the grocery store (splurges include being the second cheapest cheese or buying a fresh loaf of bread at the farmer's market).  In the end, I was able to pull together great meals (and dinner parties to boot) on a shoestring budget. 

Of course, one of the biggest hurdles that people identify as to why they don't cook at home is that they don't have time.  I argue that we always have time.  How much time do people spend sitting on the couch watching tv a night (some reports up to 3 hours a night)?  How much time do you spend on the internet, reading the New York Times front page 5 times over?  In the time that it takes for one rerun of Friends, I can put together tonight's dinner (or lunch - I had salmon with miso ginger sauce and rice) and marinate meat for tomorrow's meal (which will cook in another half hour tomorrow night). In the end, I eat cheap and healthy.  I admit, I still go out to eat with friends and such, but you won't catch me getting fast food (at least not more than a handful of times a year, mostly when I'm on a roadtrip).  Granted, it takes a lot of practice and planning, but my point is that it's not impossible. 

Maybe this recession will be good to people's psyche in a sense (the NY Times also has this great article on how recessions can affect a generation), if it encourages people to reflect upon their eating habits and revert back to homecooked, healthier meals. A reporter on CNN just did a report on how he lived on food stamps for a month and not until his last week did he realize that buying fresh vegetables and other ingredients and preparing meals at home would be infinitely cheaper than buying processed and prepared foods. 

I guess this is my little rant on how we all should look on our eating habits and how to improve upon them.  It will be better for our bodies, and our wallets, in the end. 

[Note that this does not mean that I am perfect by any means - I admit to having Lean Cuisines and canned soup in my cupboard.  It's all a matter of proportions, I guess.]

Eat away

A funny photo from my stay in India - and realizing that if I gained 200 pounds, I'd still fit into their pants!

Everyone out there who reads my blog knows that I'm a big fan of homecooked meals. Any day of the week, I'd rather experiment and try something new in my kitchen then eat take out - even after a grueling shift or day and night's worth of work. Why? Because good food makes me feel good. It's as simple as that. So, when I saw this article, using the Biggest Loser as a spring board to talk about the decline of home cooking, it got me thinking. Would I be much larger if I ate the same amount of food, but it was at restaurants (not even talking about fast food)? Probably so. Why don't restaurants cook healthy foods? I have no idea, but think it may be because it's cheaper to season something with fat (or oil or butter - all of which make food taste better) than use good, quality ingredients. Then, I got thinking about my daily diet.

I do eat half my meals out, but it's at the hospital cafeteria. I think that if it were elsewhere, I would be large enough to be a candidate on the Biggest Loser, but because it is in a hospital, it aims to be healthy (does the clam chowder really only have 4grams of fat? Maybe so, maybe not) and because I choose the right foods. And when I'm not in the hospital, I cook my own food. In college, it was a frugality thing - it was simply cheaper to cook my own food. However, I realize that sometimes I spend a lot on my ingredients and stocking my pantry, so frugality is not the sole reason any longer. I think now, I cook because I enjoy the actual process of making food and knowing exactly what goes in it (I braised a whole fish that was amazing last night - and only after I ate it did I realize I did not add any extra fat/oil to it).

I've always thought that if we made the same stuff restaurants made, we'd be amazed. We would be amazed at the amounts of oil used (a little bit of oil at home is very different than a little bit of oil in a restaurant). We'd be amazed at how few vegetables are actually in a dish. We would be amazed at how much artificial flavoring is used (including the infamous MSG - which is banned from my kitchen).

Now a short note on snacks. Snacks are the bane of any dieter's existence. They are almost always salty, sweet, fatty, fried, or all of the above. How do I keep away from the bad snacks? By keeping good ones ready to go in my fridge and cupboard so that I see, and reach for, those first instead of the bad snacks (which I admit I do have in the back of my cupboard). I wash bags of fruit so that I just grab them to eat. I boil and blanch green beans so that they're an easy grab and eat snack while I'm watching tv or reading. I drink lots and lots and lots of water (I can drink about a liter in one sitting if need be). And if you eat more whole grains in your meals, you'll be less hungry for snacks because they make you fuller for a longer period of time.

So, those are my two cents, and more, on healthy eating. Do I blame the entire obesity epidemic on the lack of home cooked meals? Of course not - I think that it's a lot of factors that just culminated and then are perpetuated. Do I think it can be cured by more home cooking? Not really. Will eating more home cooked meals help? Of course. Duh.

Cried like a baby

I just got back from the doctor's and got my fine needle aspiration (FNA), to finally find an answer to this pain in my neck.  I have to admit that I screamed like a baby when she did it.  Dude, it hurt.  And it stung.  And it hurt.  And then it hurt more.  It still hurts.  And when I saw how little tissue she actually got out, I was kinda sad.  I mean, all that pain and no gain?  She did say that the "thing" didn't want to give up tissue easily.  Let's hope that's not a bad sign. 

The pathologist (yes, a pathologist who sees real, live people!) did look at it right away and just said her initial impression was normal, just lots of "polys" (which means lots of white blood cells, meaning it's likely infectious).  I won't have an answer til Friday at the earliest.  And the culture takes at least a week, so we'll see. 

Of course, she couldn't help but mention TB.  "Your case is so typical for TB."  I eye her suspiciously, "Yeah, and the public health department will have a field day if it is."  "Yeah, it wouldn't be pretty." 

So, let's keep our fingers crossed that it's neither TB nor the dreaded "C" word.  And let's hope that I get answers, come Friday.

The big life

My dear brother, Andy, went out and bought me a 42" flat screen TV.  Yeah, 42".  It takes up almost my entire wall.  And I can view it from the other side of my apartment, on my bed.  It's kinda crazy, but cool at the same time.  Now does that mean that I have to cave in and subscribe to cable?  I mean, it does seem silly to watch antenna television on a 42" TV, no? 

Enough said

I think I have been afflicted with this.  And still have a big whopper of a lymph node.  Fun!

Pain in the neck

I've had this lymph node in my neck for more than a month now. Crazy.  Unacceptable.  Seriously, it's a big pain in the neck.  I've now resorted to using heat packs to get the swelling down.  I got it worked up today and am now on antibiotics.  Let's hope that helps (I'm for the judicious use of antibiotics and all - but now this is turning ridiculous). 

In the meantime, I just saw the Feist album cover (above) and it reminded me of my predicament. 

R&R

It's vacation time!!! 

Just one of those days

I love it when it rains but then the sun comes out. It's just absolutely beautiful. Just a nice thought on a post-call day.

Favorite holiday!

Happy thanksgiving to one and all!!!   May you feast and feast and feast until you can't walk anymore.  Then, may you walk lots tomorrow to make up for it. 

And may I mention that I love this holiday?  It's not religious, it doesn't commemorate any wars or famous people, and it's centered around food.  Food.  Did I mention that I love food?

Shopping for dishes

I love shopping for housewares, almost too much. I love it so much that I can never buy anything. How does that happen, you may ask. Well, I can explain it through my adventures trying to find dishes.

Every time I go to Crate and Barrel, or Anthropologie, Pottery Barn, or Sur La Table, or any other store that may sell dishes, I fall in love. There are so many dishes and no doubt, I will like at least one set. However, I will stand there in the store, staring at the dishes for about half an hour. I ponder about prices, I try to imagine the dishware in my apartment, with my food on it, how it will fit in with my existing dishes, what it says about me as a person (yes, I think about this). After all of this, I will walk out of the store empty handed the vast majority of the time. It comes down to the ultimate decision to commit to a set of dishes, which I almost always fail to do. I keep on thinking, "What if I find another set of plates/cups/bowls at _next store down the line_ that I love? Do I want to be folksy, modern, simple classic, elegant, whimsical, etc?" So, because of the possibly of greener pastures with prettier dishes down the line, I end up getting no dishes (fortunately, I already have a set of dishware that are ok for the meantime. Note to self: never buy dishes with a metallic rim on them.), so it's not like I'm eating out of the palm of my hands.

So, I guess you never knew that I think about dishes so intensely. Yes, I need a life and perhaps more serious things to think about. However, as I was thinking about this the other day, I realized that I think of dating in an errily similar way (reread the post and maybe it will give you a laugh). In translation, I have commitment issues in relationships, as well as in dishware. I date (go shopping) a lot, but never end up commiting (buying) for fear that I'll miss out on something greater down the road. It's something I knew I always had to deal with, but the revelation that it parallels my shopping pursuits was just too weird (and gave for quite a laugh with a friend on Saturday, status-post Friday night date gossip).

On the other hand, I bought a fabulous set of bowls from Anthropologie that I'm in love with. I want to eat everything out of them.

Time sucker

This whole internet thing is just a big black hole for all my free time. I woke up at 1pm (don't worry, I got to bed at 10am - I didn't get to sleep 12+ hours!) just to be able to do work. But all I have managed in those two hours is checking facebook, the New York Times, my email repeatedly, and getting a recipe that I will try for dinner.

Living in Twilight

I feel like that's how I've been for the last week or so. It's been a crazy few weeks. In no particular order, I finished up on my medicine rotation, cried for the first time in internship, has my first weekend off in forever, and managed to squeeze in two (albeit unsuccessful) dates. Sometimes, when I spend a lot of time at the hospital and the rest of my time in my tiny studio apartment by myself, I feel very holed off from the rest of the world. Albeit, I do read the New York Times online more often than once a day, but I feel like my whole world is this parallel universe to what the rest of the world is living. Sometimes I even find myself using language that implies as much - calling non-hospital life the "real world," as though my hospital life is not part of any world most people know.

I guess that this is all a part of residency, this feeling of isolation and feeling like you're fighting a current of trying to get as much learning in as possible without sacrificing your personal sanity. The first few months actually went by smoothly - I was adjusting, I was getting praise and constructive criticism, and felt as though I was really going somewhere. Now, in my fifth month, I feel like I'm stalling. I'm haunted by the feelings of inadequacy that every intern encounters (Am I good enough? What do my attendings and senior residents really think about me? Will I ever be good enough? How will I manage as a real doctor?), feelings like my real life is being neglected (Will I ever find a good base of friends here in the south bay? Will I ever find a steady date? Will I ever get to my crafting/gardening/reading project?), and feeling purely exhausted and drained.

I hope that this post isn't coming off as depressing, but just more serious than most. I'm not depressed at all - actually, I delivered my first baby in two months last night and it felt great. I just feel that this is a time of reflection for me, as I am almost halfway through my intern year. Also, I can't wait for my first vacation (just bought my plane ticket yesterday!) and the ability to sleep in for more than one day in a row and the freedom to take a few calm, deep breaths.

The inspiration for the title is the song currently playing on my computer, Living in Twilight by The Weepies.

Ergh

This week has not been a fun week at all. And to top it all off, I'm sitting in my apartment, about to throw my Palm (not my hand, my PDA) against the wall. It just pooped out the other day, and I turned it back on and lo and behold - all was lost. Now, I can't even sync it to my computer to restore everything. It's driving my positively insane. Now I want to open my palm (now my real palm, not the PDA) and hit smash the Palm (PDA, not hand) against the wall.