Mind the gap

Since I have come back from traveling, people have asked me how I enjoyed it - especially India since I hadn't been there before. I have to say that I am really glad to have gone to India. I learned a lot about India and about myself. It was rewarding to see how medicine really works in "charity hospitals" (I didn't get to see much of "real" medicine in Vietnam, since I was working in an international clinic). I am still struck by my experiences and what I saw. I saw shortcuts being taken in patient care, inadequate medical supplies and equipment (and personnel) being stretched beyond their means, and diseases that I had only read about in textbooks. None of this was to the fault of the medical personnel, who were simply doing their jobs the best way they knew how. Looking back, it was a wonderful experience and I don't regret going. However, it was also a stark lesson in the gap between rich and poor in India and helped me reflect on that same gap (albeit smaller) in the United States. An article in the New York Times today brought it to my attention, so I guess that's what led me to writing about it tonight.

So, did I have a good time in India? Sincerely, I don't know. I had some great memories and met some wonderful people. I learned a lot in medicine and grew as an individual. However, I don't know if I can say that I had a good time in India. Do I wish I hadn't gone? Of course not.

Black and white

People in the states want to be tan and dark.  People in Asia want to be as white as possible.  It's quite a conundrum.  As in the states, skin color in Asia takes on a lot of social significance.  People in higher classes tend to have lighter skin.  Historically, this may have been due to the fact that people in higher classes didn't have to toil in the fields all day and could afford to not get tan.  In modern times, it's helped by the use of scary whitening creams.  This is true in Vietnam and India, where in both countries, I have had people either tell me that I have such dark skin or such fair skin.  Two people see the same thing but think different opinions. 

One story I have happened when I went on the mobile clinic visit to the villages in India.  I was playing with this little baby who was being held by her (presumed) grandmother.  The woman holding the baby kept on pointing to the baby, then to me, and saying something in Tamil that I, obviously, didn't understand.  I just smiled and nodded.  The next day, I ran into the postgraduate (like a medical resident) who was on the visit and we were talking about old wives' tales.  It all started because a pregnant woman asked if it was safe to consume large amounts of saffron, with the belief that it would produce a fair skinned baby.  An expensive old wives'  tale at that; a gram of saffron costs as much as half a days' wage.  The medical resident mentioned that what the woman in the village was trying to ask was how to get her grandchild to be as fair skinned as I.  I didn't believe him at first, but I guess that's all she wondered.  Not anything medical, just pure cosmetics.  But maybe it's not pure cosmetics, as it's a matter of perceived beauty and social stature for her. 

People are beautiful as they are... it's so sad to see that ancient stereotypes are perpetuated through the mass media and consumer markets.  Regardless, I am coming back darker than I left - I wonder if people will say that's good or bad. 

Local businesses

Found on a house, off Route 15 in Maine.

What am I?

Being the token Asian in Maine, I have come to realize that people really are ignorant (and crazy). The only people who have commented on me being the only Asian in Maine (can that become a title?) have been patients.

One, when meeting me for the first time, yelled out (to no one in particular), "Why are there so many Chinks working here?" (Ok, so there is one more Asian person in Maine, who happens to work on the same floor of the hospital.)

Another patient today asks, "Are you Oriental?" to which I respond, "Yes, I am Asian." Then, he began to accuse me of having "Oriental mind reading abilities" and when he began guessing what "kind of Oriental" I am, named Chinese and Japanese and said, "I can't name any more countries."

In summary, I am apparently one too many "Chinks" in the hospital and have recently acquired mind-reading abilities.

Race in Boston

After moving to Boston, I realized just how segregated this city is and how the communities, geographically and socially, fall sharply on racial lines. Add to the decades of historical discrimination two events in the past few weeks that have put race back on the list of hot issues in Boston.

First, there was a report that concluded discrimination against racial minorities was still widely prevalent. Secondly, a ceremony to mark the 60 year anniversary of the end of the Holocaust is protested by white supremacy groups.

What makes Boston so different than other big cities (I'm thinking of San Francisco)? Is it the people? The history? The weather?

chinatown, good and bad

so i moved into my new apartment. it's in the middle of chinatown, which is convenient given its central location and that it's so close to school. and i have to admit, it's much much nicer than my last apartment.

however, i discovered one downside of living in chinatown/downtown - people. i can't go to CVS without thinking of who might see me and - god forbid - that i be caught wearing something absolutely horrendous. yeah, something totally trivial, i know, but hey, there has to be a downside to everything.

something not so trivial did happen to me as i was walking to cvs (i call it my second home because i'm there so often). an older, white man, about 50 or so, looked at me and said, "you're one fine chinese woman. why don't you speak American? you're in America after all." there were so many things wrong with his statement. first, i'm not chinese. second, i was not saying a word, hence his assessment of my "American" was totally uncalled for. third, he was in CHINATOWN. i was so shocked by what he said that i just walked on by without saying a word in response. what i should have said is... well, i shouldn't have said anything and beat him to a pulp instead. not that i would ever do that, but that's what he truly deserved.

i don't know whether it's me or because it's boston, but i've had a significant number of events happen to me, none of which were positive, surrounding my race. and it's not because i'm "more aware" of those issues or whatever. either way, it's not a good thing and i really don't know how to deal with it. of course, i can't change the view of all bostonians, but here are some things that i would like to change if i could (all coming from experience):
1. Asian people are not to be referred to as "oriental." oriental refers to rugs,
not people.
2. please do not speak an Asian language because you assume:
a. that the person you're approaching is of that ethnicity
b. that the person you're approaching speaks that language
c. that the person you're approaching is going to be the least bit impressed
d. that the person you're approaching does not speak English
or doesn't speak it well
3. do not make assumptions about other people's language skills based on
the color of their skin (see 2d above)

my tidbits of advice, coming from (unfortunately) many bad experiences. take it as you may.

asian american empowerment

i was listening to internet radio and came upon the song, "learn chinese" by jin. i had no idea who jin was or what the song was about, but i was fascinated enough to google him. with that, i came across a very interesting web site on "asian american empowerment."

as an asian american and one that some would argue is very "whitewashed" (a word that someone has used to describe me, to my face), i'm fascinated by asians in america. navigating around the web site, i came across the "dating" section. ALL of the articles in this section were on interracial dating. i don't know whether or not i should be surprised by this, but i was nonetheless. is it that a web site on asian american empowerment has nothing to say about asian american dating other than in relation to non-asians?

i have always been very tolerant of interracial dating and all of my relationships have been interracial. however, i've always been a little conflicted about it. am i, by saying that race doesn't matter in terms of who i date, perpetuating a stereotype when people see me on the street with a non-asian man? i mean, i can say that race doesn't matter, but that doesn't mean that it's true. people will still see asian female and white male. i admit, even when i see an asian female and white male on the street, i have my preconceptions of their relationship.

but i haven't even addressed the arguments over motivations and "asian fetishes." personally, i try and find out if the guy i'm dating has dated anyone else who is asian. if they have only dated asian women, then i assume asian fetish and can't date them. but then, if they haven't, then i wonder why. it's a doubled-edged sword in a way. but i guess someone could turn the same question on me and ask whether i have a "non-asian fetish" as i've never dated an asian man. i must be one of those asian women seeking a higher societal status by dating a non-asian man. no matter what the motivations or what the answers to questions is, couples in interracial relationships will always be doubted, always be judged.

in the end, i guess it doesn't matter what others think. if i am attracted to someone who isn't asian, it's wrong to deny it because of their race. but at the same time, i question myself when i see an asian male and feel as though i should be attracted to him, as though being asian gives him a few bonus points. society's pressures, however much we would like to ignore them, still invade my thoughts and it's hard to separate them from your own views.

it's been awhile

i apologize for the long wait, and i can't say that it's worth it, for a post. my reasons are varied and totally up to par. first, i came down with the flu, or so i think. i thought it was everything from the common cold (i don't get sick often and had no idea what it felt like) to pneumonia to mono. i quickly ruled out the third choice as i haven't been kissing anyone lately so there was no chance that i was lucky enough to get the kissing disease. but, hey, because i was sick, i was unable to study for finals and ironically, my hypochondriac self and looking up all the signs and symptoms of mono helped me on my hematology exam (because i subsequently missed the lecture on mono because i was at home dying slowly in my bed).

oh, and my second excuse is that i had finals. yeah, even in medical school we have that dreaded week of back to back exams. and seriously, i didn't study more than 6 hours for each of my exams, as i was either too dizzy to even stand or just bored out of my mind. let's hope that i pass. that's all that i can hope for.

but i do have a story. i don't know how to feel about it or what i should have done during the "ordeal," but it was fascinating enough that i feel other people would be interested in hearing it. so, i was on the train on friday afternoon, coming home from a shopping celebration with friends after we finished our last exam. i see this good looking construction worker get on the train, but i'm more fascinated in making up this life for him than in his looks (i have had this weird fascination with people's lives, as in what they do and what they're thinking, lately). it just so happens that he gets off at the same stop as me. as i was passing him on the escalator, i hear "wah ai nee" and realize it's him. for those who aren't chinese, which does include myself, that means hello. a white construction worker saying hello to me in chinese. i had no idea how i should respond. should i have said i wasn't chinese? should i have said that i speak english perfectly well? should i have said that saying hello to me in chinese, even if i was chinese or spoke it, wasn't the greatest way to get a date? oh, but here's the cincher. he's not the first guy to do this to me on the train. a middle-aged white guy said it to me as i was exiting the train one day. again, i said nothing. but does the T (what the subway system in boston is called) have posters around saying, "say(insert hello in preferred language) to (insert said language's ethnic community) girls and you're guaranteed a date. it's hot."

but that's my story. i have plenty more later. for another day. good night and let me just say it's wonderful to be back in san francisco.